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Cypress Andrea |
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September 30 Trance Slowly I opened my lethargic eyes while in my mind I am expecting
same old routine which goaded my will to go back to sleep again. But a
mysterious scent abstracted my senses and so I lazily opened my eyes. A
bizarre of emotions hurriedly passed through my veins when I saw rose
petals all over my bed. I was in deep thoughts and so my optic nerves
responded to my vagueness. My eyes rest in front of my door and there I
saw the culprit. He was sweetly smiling as he affectionately stares at
me while holding a tray. Certainly, I can smell the aroma of my
favorite café vienness with a hot honey dip pancakes. Yeah, he brought
me a breakfast in bed. There are so many questions I want to ask him but I wanted to savor every minute of this moment. How I missed him and I wanted to hug this man whom I ever dreamed of to be with. He placed the tray on the desk beside my bed as I started to talk but he stopped me while he took my hand and gave me a diamond studded ring. Tears started falling when he whispered on my ear how he loves me and he was asking me to marry him. And there is no word in the dictionary how can I describe what I am feeling. I hugged him so tight and then the alarm rings! Geeez! It was just only a dream and will forever be one of my trances. September ParanoiaIn a week time it'll be the end of September and I thought I have already forgotten the past and yet it is still haunting me until now. As a matter of fact, I fear this month coz there is this feeling of paranoia that something so unexpected will happen again. I never liked residing in an emotional trance ever since this remorseful love story happened.
Whew, it's been five years and I can still freshly remember every single moment of bitterness and lie. I thought I have already buried the past but whenever there is an occurrence which elicits it I felt like the hands of time pushed me again to go back and let me feel that rueful moment in my life. On whether to go back or stay… Déjà vu, this
dilemma was been my situation a year ago, same month and day. I was
been offered a very tempting job abroad with a very good salary, a
brand new car, a decent flat and an unlimited supply of food, pretty
much better than my current job at the moment. Last year, I declined
the offer because of the theory of fairness and common good. Like what
I always say, I can't stay in an emotional trance for a long time. And
now, it is all coming back, I am all here again! If I will go back I could buy anything I want. My long time dream to have a brand new car will just only be a snap. I could build a house for my parents and can even make a flyover (lol!) coz these greedy relatives of mine won't give us the right of way we were asking. But I know if I will go back, it entails a lot of sacrifices. A good relationship might be shaken and there'll be possibilities that we won't end up together. It is a very difficult task… I hope I could make up my mind sooner. If you are in my situation what will you do? Been there, done that... "Been
there, done that", an adage adopted from a lawyer friend. I never
realized what does the adage really mean, it was just days ago when my
neurons fired and transmitted a very evocative realization. It's been a year now when I left a place where all cravings in your mind can be grabbed in a second. It is a place where you can get anything you wish for without any limitations. It is a den of no boundaries and a circle of beyond. Definitely, it is a haven of a dreamer, like me. Hypocrisy will haunt me if I say that I never liked the roller coaster ride in this blissful yet treacherous desert. But things aren't always what they seem. Especially if you inflicted pain to the persons you treasured most and when the whole obsession is an emotional trance. I felt like, I was so unfair and iniquitous, that was the time when I decided to let go. I always say, destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice but at this point I will negate this long time belief. Hence, destiny is a matter of chance. For even if you planned something and you know it will be in its places but if its not for you, it will never be. But what is important now is you learned from these experiences. Reconcile the mistakes and move on. It will be an intricate journey but I believe that time heals all wounds. Price of Being PoorIf you are poor you have less power. Passé, yet true. But these are not my angst for being pitiable. I am pooled in a melancholic mood So instead of wishing and working hard to be like them,
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